


Caught in the Eye of a Hurricane

by Skaboom



Series: Last Young Renegade Heartache [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Follow up to Forever Wouldn't Wait for Us, Grief, Heartache, Heartbreak, M/M, Major character death: Theo, comfort from best friend, it's just really really sad, processing loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:27:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24767722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skaboom/pseuds/Skaboom
Summary: Follow up to my story Forever Wouldn't Wait for Us.Three years after losing Theo, Liam still bears the scars of loss on his heart, and in his daily life. Some days, he can handle it, but sometimes it all becomes too much. Liam turns to Mason for comfort, and assistance as he continues to process his grief.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken, side pairing: Mason Hewitt/Corey Bryant
Series: Last Young Renegade Heartache [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1791151
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	Caught in the Eye of a Hurricane

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't have the emotional energy to edit this, so there are probably a lot of mistakes, but sometimes you just have to write something to process yourself, and this is that for me. I'm sorry. <3

Three years. 

It had been three years and counting since the worst day of Liam's life, and some days were fine. Some days he was laughing, happy with Mason and their friends. Some days, it didn't hurt so badly. Some days, he almost saw a new future for himself, one where he could be happy, one where he could be fulfilled. 

And then there were the days when he would go home to his apartment, lie down on his bed, stare up at the ceiling, and think only of Theo. He would think of the life that they were supposed to have, the life that they could have had if Theo's hadn't been cut short. He thought of all of the time that they wasted fighting, and every petty argument that had driven them to take a break, to separate for a while. He would think of how, had he known how little time they truly had, he wouldn't have wasted those moments. But he had wasted them, and there was nothing he could do about it now. 

It had taken him a long time to come to terms with what he had lost. He had spent the first year telling himself that it was fine, that it didn't matter, that he hadn't really loved Theo that much anyways, and that there was nothing more than a friendship to mourn, but it wasn't true. His mother and David saw through him. Mason saw through him. Scott saw through him, and he couldn't keep going down that path. 

It had taken him a full year to admit out loud how much he had loved Theo. It had taken him almost two full years to tell people that he hadn't just lost a friend, that he had lost the love of his life, the person that he was supposed to spend the rest of his days with. 

Liam hadn't ever really believed in soulmates, or anything like that, but as he went through his day to day life, it was impossible, even three years later, to ever imagine anyone but Theo by his side. 

It was that very feeling that brought him to Corey and Mason's apartment at 8 PM on a Friday night. 

"Hey," Mason frowned as he opened the door. "I thought you had a date tonight."

"I did." Liam bit his lip. "I tried, Mason, I did, I really did, I..."

Liam trailed off, a lump rising in his throat. Mason, noting the tell tale glistening of his best friend's pale blue eyes, reached for him and pulled him inside. 

"Hey, it's okay," Mason said, drawing Liam into a hug. 

From the hallway, Corey watched, pausing for a moment before going to put the tea kettle on. It had been awhile since Liam had shown up like this, but Corey knew better than to question it. 

"Come talk to me," Mason said softly, leading Liam to the couch in the living room. He pulled his best friend down beside him, and held Liam close. "What happened?"

"I couldn't do it." Liam sniffled. "I tried. I tried, Mason, and it's the same problem. It feels like I'm cheating on him, Mase. I know that's stupid, that it's ridiculous, but we were supposed to be together, and trying to be with someone else, it just doesn't feel right. I can't do it."

"Okay." Mason kept his tone low, soft, calm, as he rubbed gentle circles on Liam's back. "Li, you don't have to do anything that you're not ready for, okay?"

"I just..." Liam reached up, wiping at his eyes as tears began to roll down his cheeks. "I still love him, Mason. There are still a million things that remind me of him every day, and yeah, some of them make me smile, and remember the good times, but some days it's just so _hard,_ because we didn't get enough time. I want him back, and there's just...no way to get that. He's gone, and I feel like a part of me is never going to be okay again."

"Maybe a part of you won't ever be okay," Mason said softly. "But I think that's okay. You lost someone who mattered to you so much, and you don't have to be okay fully. When we give a part of ourselves to someone, and we lose them," Mason said softly. "I think it's natural, you know? To bury that part of you with them. But I don't know, I mean, I've never been through this. I don't know what to say."

It had been three years, and Mason still didn't know what to say to Liam about this. He had let Scott do most of the heavy lifting, because Scott knew what this felt like, but Scott hadn't been able to stay forever just to look after Liam, and Mason had done the best that he could. 

"You don't have to know what to say, just keep being here. I swear to god, everyone else makes me feel like I should have moved on from this by now, like 'it's been three years - you can't grieve forever' but I _want_ to. I don't _want_ to be okay without him. I think...I think that's a big part of it," he said softly. 

"That's no way to live." Mason reached up, carding a hand through Liam's hair. "I know that you miss him, Li, and I know that you love him, and I know it might not be what you want to hear right now, but it's...you can't keep stopping yourself from healing. Just because you let the pain alleviate, just a little bit, doesn't mean you're insulting what you two had. It doesn't mean you're spitting on his name."

"My head knows that," Liam said, reaching up to wipe away more tears. "But my heart is having trouble with it." 

"I think that's understandable," Mason said softly. "Grief is...this immense thing, and everyone handles it differently, and so few people went through what you've gone through, and at such a young age. I mean, take out all of the werewolf stuff, and the supernatural, and just the _grief_ of losing him...I can't imagine that."

"It's just not fair," Liam said softly. "And I knew. I knew there was a risk to all of this, I didn't know Scott with Allison, but I knew him after it, and I knew how deeply he felt that loss, and I understand it now, but god, I wish I didn't. It's a selfish thought, but-"

"It's okay to have those sometimes, Liam," Mason said softly. "It's okay to have a selfish thought every now and then. It's how you survive."

"Sometimes I don't want to," Liam admitted softly. 

"Don't want to what?"

"Survive." 

His voice was quiet, almost nonexistent, because the words felt ugly, and terrifying, and admitting them to Mason almost felt cruel, because he knew that his best friend would do anything for him. 

"Oh, Liam..."

"I wouldn't ever do anything," Liam said quickly. "I would never do that to you, I promise, I just...sometimes it's just really hard to look at my future and imagine it without him, when he was in every single one of my plans."

"That sounds really hard." Mason continued to rub Liam's back, not wanting to interject too much. Sometimes, just being there with him, just listening, was better than trying to solve a problem that he knew he couldn't solve. 

"Like, what am I supposed to do? We've finished college, and everyone's...settling down, and getting married, and yeah, I have a job, and I like it, but that's not a whole future, there are other things I'm supposed to be feeling right now, and experiencing, and I just...can't. And I know that I'm stopping myself because I don't want to. I'm just not _ready_ to feel okay about the fact that he's gone, but it hurts, Mason. It hurts worse than anything else I have ever experienced in my life. It hurts so bad that, sometimes, I can't feel anything else, and there's just this pain there, and this big, gaping hole in my heart, and in my life, and I..." He paused, trying to wipe at his tears, but they were coming too quickly now. "And I just don't know how anyone does this. It's debilitating, Mason. It's all consuming."

Mason didn't say anything, he just reached for Liam, and pulled him into a big, tight hug, drawing him in as close as he possibly could, hugging Liam tightly. 

"I miss him," Liam sobbed. "I miss him in every single part of me. I still feel him, and sometimes it feels like I can just reach out and he'll be there, but he's gone. It's the worst when I dream about him."

"Is it still the same?" Mason asked softly. 

"Yes." Liam nodded. "I'll have these dreams, and they're so normal, so mundane, but he'll _be_ there, like he was supposed to be, and then I wake up alone, and I barely remember how to breathe. They're so much worse than any nightmare I've ever had."

"I can't..." Mason reached up, wiping a stray tear from his own eye. "I'm so sorry, Liam."

He had said those words a thousand times to his best friend since Theo's death, and they never felt like enough, they never felt good enough. Then again, what words ever would be? The right thing to say about something like this just didn't exist, so Mason had to do his best with the worlds that he did have.

"I know." Liam took a deep, shaky breath, trying to calm down. 

Quietly, Corey walked into the room. He set two steaming mugs of tea on the coffee table in front of them, and took his leave. It was best, he knew, when Liam was feeling like this, to give him space. He didn't need to see Mason's flourishing relationship right now. Corey knew that Liam held nothing against them and their happiness, but sometimes, he needed Mason, and only Mason. 

Liam reached for his tea, taking a small sip, trying to let the peppermint calm him, just a little. 

"Do you wanna stay here tonight?" Mason asked. "I can get the sleeping bags, we can camp out in the living room, watch TV, stay up as late as you want, just the two of us?"

Liam nodded, tears still rolling down his cheeks. 

"Okay." Mason stood up, kissing the top of his head. "I'll be right back, alright?"

Liam just nodded again, and took another sip of his tea. 

This was hard. This hurt. It hurt him every single day, at least in some way, whether it was small, or large, but having Mason here helped. It wasn't a cure for the grief that he was feeling, and he knew that nothing ever would be, but at least he wasn't alone.


End file.
